My female friends give birth to me over and over and over again. And I do the same for them. We have a spoken agreement to be each other’s mirrors. Each other’s lighthouse. Each other’s home base. There is not enough I can say about the importance of having empowered sister friends in your life, but I will give it a shot. You see, we live in a world where the most salacious reality show featuring a group of women constantly hating on each other is top-rated. I can’t go to my Facebook timeline without being assaulted by what nastiness which housewife did or said to the other. I can’t. Seriously. I cannot. And while I understand that there is a place for such “entertainment” in our culture, I am disheartened that we aren’t given an opportunity to see the opposite of that on television. Where are the shows that celebrate women and the wonderfully-magical community that we are? Where is THAT show? You know where it is? It’s inside of you, my empowered sister. That showing of unconditional, supportive, tough-loving if necessary, shoulder-providing, co-creator of a beautiful reality lives within you. And it lives within the women you are surrounded by, whether they know it or not. We empowered women must collectively BE the sisterhood we want to see always. We must root ourselves in the truth of our knowing and help blossom our sistren. It is our responsibility. I once wrote a piece entitled, “She’s Not A Bitch, She Just Needs A Friend.” It spoke to the “Even Her” concept that all women are beautiful, valuable, and lovable. Even her. So when we find ourselves rolling our eyes and sucking our teeth at “her” behavior, it is at that moment that extending your heart is required. Because you AND she need it. There is work to do there. I have the extreme privilege to be surrounded by, for as far as mine eyes can see, a group of a-freakin’-mazing women. Goddesses is how I refer to them. These fully-realized, yet still-unfolding women are my home. My safe space. My litmus test. My mirrors. These women feed my insecurities with extra helpings of love. They calm my worries with copious amounts of truth. They embrace my scared inner little girl with their mothering wisdom. They love me through and through. And I them in return. Goddessing is cyclical. In the safe confines of these women, I recently experienced a rebirth. I was taken to the depths of my fear about that which I cannot see, touch or prove. They challenged me to be still and listen to that “wise old woman” inner voice of mine that has been telling me to “Be Still Tomiko” for quite some time. I am stubborn. I think I know a lot. I fought that call to stillness with every fiber of my being. And then, “they” sent in the Goddesses. Chile, I was not ready! They spoke to ME. Directly to ME. They didn’t mince words or sugar coat a damn thing. It was real and raw up in that piece. And I was laid bare with all of my fears and they held me (figuratively and literally) as I gave birth to this new version of myself. They were my mid-wives and they whispered words of strength and wisdom in my ears as I labored. They wiped my brow. They gave me water. They held my hand until I was ready to deliver myself to ME. And I am reborn. Thank you sisters! Thank you for never giving up on me. I didn’t have the words to ask for what you all saw that I needed. Thank you, always, for your vision. I share this with you because I can’t encourage you enough to get you some of these women in your life…Now. They’re out there waiting for you to call on them. Some of them have probably already made themselves known to you, but you’ve put up walls of “I don’t trust women”, “Women are catty”, and “I don’t need any help”. Stop those lies please. Women are each other’s gifts to one another.We have gathered together for centuries with the sole purpose of creating each other anew. You deserve that. You deserve to BE everything you came here to be. Please stop denying yourself and allow these magical women to introduce you to your truest self. I promise that YOU will never be the same.
By Tomiko Fraser Hines