We Asked: Do Men Want To Settle Down With Career – Oriented Women in 2015?
By J.C Osby
When I was a child, I dreaded the thought of growing up and getting married.
It seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman; having to change her last name and transform into some domesticated, baby-making specimen. It sounded like a nightmare.
Not to mention the plethora of marriages I watched crumble to pieces as a child and the devastating aftermath that followed.
I watched my mother eat her way through depression after she separated from my stepfather. Family friends ravaged their spouses during vicious custody battles, and I watched painfully as my mom comforted her girlfriends as they cried into her arms hiding the black eyes given to them by their so-called loving husbands.
Marriage didn’t sound like a fairy tale. If anything, it was Cruella de Vil to my puppy shelter.
At 14, I told my mother I never wanted to get married, and I never wanted kids. Looking back, my statement seemed rather farfetched, but I felt justified in my reasoning. Besides, with one of the highest GPAs in my high school class and writing skills far beyond my years, marriage was the last thing on my mind.
Ten years later, my wants and personal desires have shifted drastically. Despite thriving in my respective career field, I long to one day be someone’s wife and, eventually, someone’s mother.
I often find myself lost in a daydream filled with motherhood and travel adventures with my future husband. By day I’m a sophisticated reporter but, at night, I shed those clothes and transform into your modern day June Cleaver.
But lately I’ve found myself running into men who are intimidated by my aspirations of greatness. They seem turned off by my race towards success; annoyed by my heavy workload that leaves little time for “Netflix and chill.” Which has left me very single and wondering if it’s even possible to find a man who can love a woman who is in love with her career.
So, I asked around to see if being with a successful career woman is what men of today really want.
For John Williams, 28, a career-driven woman with aspirations and goals is exactly what he wants for himself. However, there is a difference between being a career-oriented and an independent-minded woman.
“Women who are career-oriented are setting themselves up so they can have a husband and a family,” Williams said. “Most independent women pride themselves on the fact that they don’t need a man.”
It is the independent-minded woman that gives women like myself a bad rap. Women motivated by their work can still serve as productive spouses, but an independent woman with unrealistic standards who thinks herself better and more capable than her man is an issue. And, to Williams, that is the ultimate turnoff.
“A woman who thinks like a man is not cute,” Williams said. “No man wants to date his homeboy.”
But where do you find the balance between being a hardworking career woman and the independent “I don’t need a man” stereotype?
The line seems blurred between the two.
Not to mention that I was raised by a single mother who taught me not to need a man. Instead, she instilled in me that a woman must be self-sufficient at all times whether a man is present or not. Williams believes that more women raising young girls on their own has attributed to the issue.
“More women are raising children by themselves,” Williams said. “They watched their moms raise them on their own, and now they feel like they can do it to and be successful without a man.”
But just because you know you can be successful without a man doesn’t mean you don’t want one.
Before getting married last year, Chris Moore, 27, had a very traditional idea of the role a wife should play. She should tend to the house, look after the kids and have dinner ready when he arrived home from work. What he received was a traveling member of the Army Reserves and dedicated career woman.
“My wife cleans and cooks, but she also has a career going on too so sometimes I have to do those things,” Moore said.
But he’s okay with that. For Moore and his wife, the traditional domesticated roles of women are outdated, and the key is a balance. In his mind, as long as there is a balance, the Maxine Shaws and Olivia Popes of the world definitely still have a chance at finding love.
“If you both are on the same page then you’ll know how to prioritize so that everyone’s goals can be met, and everyone can be successful,” Moore said. “It’s only when you can’t turn off work when you come home. That’s the problem.”
While a woman can’t be so career-oriented that she ignores her significant other, Moore thinks that as long as there is a balance, there should be no issue with a woman working to fulfill her dreams and functioning as a supportive spouse. Moore and his wife are expecting their first child, and he has no doubt that she will be able to juggle mommy duties along with her heavy workload. She is the modern-day superwoman.
“June Cleaver is changing,” Moore said. “She has side jobs now.”