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Marriage, Relationships

Why Are You Marrying Him?

You love him, that’s a given. But there’s a lot more that’s motivating you to choose your guy from all the men on the planet. Having a thoughtful answer at your fingertips — just like an elevator pitch when you’re looking for a job — benefits your and your relationship in many ways. It keeps your feelings of gratitude for finding him top of mind. It boosts your confidence about your decision to marry him and helps create a positive feedback loop of good feelings about the relationship. And during moments of difficulty or doubt, recalling your elevator pitch helps stop negative thinking in its tracks: “Oh yeah, here’s the laundry list of reasons why I’m putting up with his buddy sleeping on our couch for a week.”

If you don’t have the answer to “Why Him?” on the tip of your tongue, grab a piece of paper and writing longhand — no keyboards, please — answer these three questions:

1. What do you like about him?
His dimples, his sense of humor, his sensitivity, his nimble mind, his big heart, his great hair, his style, his patience. What about your fiancé do you really like?

2. What do you admire about him?
His work ethic, his tenacity, his kindness to small children, his spirit of adventure, his intellect, his dedication to his family, his capacity to listen. What about your guy do really admire?

3. How does he make you feel that’s different from all your boyfriends that came before?
How does he make you feel that’s unique, that you want for the rest of your life?

Later, craft your thoughts into a concise elevator pitch about why you’re marrying him. Then practice. Be prepared for a big serotonin hit of good feelings and gratitude for who your fiancé really is, and how lucky you are to be spending your life with him. Is your answer set in stone? Not at all. Over time, you’ll love him more deeply and differently as he faces family crises, career challenges, becomes a dad. Your elevator pitch, then, is an active and alive record of your love for him that evolves along with your marriage.

by Allison Moir-Smith



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